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Stop asking couples ‘When are you having kids?’

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By host - elise-eriksson
Because the truth is, you don't really ever know what people are going through.
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elise-eriksson
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james-birmingham
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Host
Whatever. Its the most natural progression in life. Marriage and then children. No one should take offense to the question. Sometimes children come before marriage and sometimes no children come after marriage. It’s all okay, but to be offended? That’s lunacy.
6 mths
Host
It's awkward -- sometimes they are having trouble conceiving, trouble in their sex life, haven't talked about it, aren't ready and don't want to explain why, or have different ideas. It's like asking someone,"Why aren't you married yet?" What kind of answer do they want?
6 mths
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christina-koofils.perrineappu.powerstar
christina-koo, fils.perrine, appu.powerstar and 7 other people started following this discussion
Host
I have one child. She’s 18 months old, I also have a career and a whole load of other shit going on, I’m sick to death of being asked when’s the next one! Or being told you should be pregnant by now, have them close together! My life, my choice and my business! Took long enough to conceive our daughter, when and if we have another is none of anyone’s business!
6 mths
Host
We have a 2 month old girl. I've already stopped counting, how many times we were asking about second kid plans. For Christmas plenty of family members wished us a son. Pretty upsetting. It's like we're always not enough ☹️
6 mths
Host
Holy hell people , it's called making conversation and trying to connect with people. Why are we looking at that question as half empty instead of half full. Asking people questions or engaging in conversations such as ones like these can lead to Comfort , sympathy , empathy and so on . Perhaps the person can handle your truth and had been thru your truth or knows someone who has. Talking about our lives whether they be blissful or not allows us to truly connect with others and relate to one another . And yes I've had my share of miscarriages and know many women who've struggled and still struggle with infertility and one of the healthiest means of therapy for coping with something as fragile as infertility is finding other women who can empathize and support you - let's stop assuming everyone is asking for selfish , pushy , or negative intentions.
5 mths
10 more people followed this discussion
Host
Oh please
5 mths
Host
My husband and I went through infertility, treatment and miscarriage for 5 years before our son was conceived and born via our 5th round of IVF. I didn’t get offended with the question, but I got fed up of having to answer it. More so, those who would say “be thankful you don’t have kids because.....”
In the end, if anyone asked me when hubby and I were going to have a baby (because the clock is ticking ya know? id be brutally honest: “I suffered a miscarriage at Christmas and we’ve started our 4th round of IVF so thanks but I’m well aware of how fast my clock is ticking
Edited
5 mths
Host
I think it depends on how you ask. We went through a time after losing a pregnancy when we were trying to concieve and it took a long time. When people asked, I wasn't"offended" it just reminded me that I was hurting and then I would get sad. That being said, there is a difference in saying"Are you planning on having kids?" And"Get on it already! Come on! Join the Mommy club!"
5 mths
Host
Trust me ... even when you have one ... there is always an another question ... when are you going to have another one ?? This happens to many !!!
5 mths
Host
And again STOP ASKING COUPLES WITH KID'S WHEN THEY ARE HAVING MORE!!!!!!!!!
5 mths
Host
Why stop asking. How about stop being embarrassed/ashamed/etc about the difficulty you are having and be honest about the situation. So many women/couples suffer in silence with miscarriages. Let people know and you’ll find a huge group of people there with open arms, loving hearts, and prayers for you. Miscarriages/difficulty/ or even the want for none need to feel comfortable and safe to open up and share the stories. We need to be supportive no silenced.
5 mths
More than 50 people have joined this discussion.
Host
Not everyone wants kids - me for example. My biological clock didn't tick and I am ok with that. People shouldn't assume having children is the next logical step at a certain age or when you get married or that conception is easy for everyone. What's frustrating to me is when I'm asked the question and I give the honest answer, some people still do not respect my decision and tell me I'm missing out or making a mistake. Trust me I took a lot more time thinking about not having a child than most people do about having one. Just think before you ask the question - is it really necessary?
5 mths
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