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Parenting & Childcare

Stop asking couples, ‘When are you having kids?'

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anthea.crane
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By host - anthea.crane
Because the truth is, you don't really ever know what people are going through.
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anthea.crane
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I HATED when ppl would ask us when we were having kids, I have 3 sisters and all of them have kids so everyone always asked us “when is it gonna be our turn”, and it would honestly break my heart because we were trying so hard for a family, it took 7 years and a lot of fertility to finally become parents and for those 7 years I honestly thought that it just wasn’t in our playing cards to have kids, but this past September our prayers were finally answered with a baby girl
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hii
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My mum told me that she never wanted me. She said that after she married my dad, people kept asking her about getting pregnant so she did...
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I wasn't offended by that particular question but I am offended now when Im asked if we will have a third since we will have 2 girls. What us wrong with 2 girls?! Im done!
I was 33 when I had my first so I did get that question often. I even got asked if it was broken. I say, mind your own genitals.
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If we’re always too worried about offending people, we would never ask anything.
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mafaaz.hidayathulla, peter.ifeanyi, angela.taylor and 7 other people started following this discussion
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Just remember that infertility and miscarriages are very normal. Stop feeling ashamed or embarrassed about it. It’s so very normal. I personally had 2 miscarriages before each child. Was it fun? Hell no, but I never broke, I kept believing that I would have my children, I knew it was a normal thing, and I was never afraid of talking about it. Just be open. It really help yourself and others
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We have 4 kids and I have gotten asked so many times when is my husband going to get fixed or myself.....none of anyone’s business....
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It seems like every article lately I read on Facebook is titled,"Stop saying such n such" or"Three things NOT to say when …(whatever it is). Have we become a country where it's more important for people to know what not to say, than what to say? Have we become so afraid to express a thought that we are now told it's better to be mute? Food for thought.
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And this is how society has changed for the worse. Honestly, can we please just stop taking offence to well-meaning people AND THEN JUST MOVE ON.
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why does it seem that people are begging for “open discussion” and “bring this into conversation” about every possible stance on every possible situation and yet there are just as many articles about “10 things never to say to x/y/z person?” I don’t get it. Miscarriage and infertility need to stop being taboo to discuss/never bring up either topic at all
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It's not about getting offended by the question or feeling like it's not their business... Most of the time when you are trying to have a child (especially your first) you want to keep it a secret until it happens so that you can surprise everyone. So 95% of the time no one is going to tell you that when you ask in the first place. When it doesn't happen right away/takes a while it's extremely painful. It's not something you want to blab to everyone about. People innocently ask but it's like having salt poured on an open wound. Each time it doesn't"work" it hurts more and people's innocent questions just sting more. That or there are other circumstances (financial, emotional, other physical ones) that also keep you from having the next. Questions then are painful as you're constantly reminded that you are struggling to have what you so deeply want. We don't get offended, the constant reminder of our"shortcomings" just hurts. And generally when people ask the question and you give them a vague or a"non-answer" it doesn't stop there. Then comes additional comments insinuating what you"should" be doing and that you're running out of time and it makes it 10x worse. That's where the feeling of"it's none of your business" comes in... And the constant asking
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